female health matters

Personal stories about female health matters.

November 11, 2012

menopause and death


Vesta is 52, single and childless, and an only child. She has spent her entire adult life living at home and taking care of parents who were both in their 40s when they had her, and now that they have passed on she is very afraid of what lies ahead and going through the menopause has heightened her emotions so much that she equates it with her own death.

“I loved my parents dearly and I wouldn’t change my life so far even I could,” says Vesta, “but knowing how much my parents relied on me, especially in their final years, I am very afraid of growing old alone and having nobody to take care of me in my final years.”

“Facing death alone is an abominable prospect.”

“I inherited the family home and that’s just about all I have to see me through to old age,” says Vesta. “My job doesn’t pay much and what savings I had all went on paying for extra things for mom and dad when their own savings ran out.”

“The house is very run down and even if I wanted to sell it, which I don’t, nobody would buy it in today’s market,” sighs Vesta. “I just hope it keeps on standing until my time comes!”

“My health is pretty good now, apart from menopausal symptoms,” says Vesta, “but I worry about getting ill and not being able to work any more. I guess everyone worries about things like that, married or single, but seeing how close my parents were and how much they comforted each other through illness and other troubles makes me feel very lonely about going through old age on my own.”

“I have good neighbors and a few old friends I grew up with, but I really don’t know anyone (who’s alive now) who I can trust as my proxy in the event that my health deteriorates and I can’t take care of myself any more.”

“Because I took care of my parents at home I really don’t know anything about the aged care industry either,” says Vesta. “I really don’t like the idea of going into an aged care facility but I am more or less resigned to the fact that when you don’t have a family to take care of you, you’re going to have to rely on strangers at some point down the line.”

“I suppose I should start planning for my aged care now, while I can,” sighs Vesta. “I am not so silly as to think I am bullet proof and will stay in good health forever.”

“I do have healthcare insurance, but so did mom and dad and while it did pay for most of their needs it was not sufficient in the end to pay for their care and I ended up paying for their needs after their own savings ran out,” explains Vesta. “So, knowing this, I’m not relying on my insurance to take care of me.”

“Heck, in the current economic climate there’s no guarantee that my insurance company will exist by the time I’m enough to make a claim!”

“Financially, I suppose I am a lot better off than most people,” says Vesta, “and I even live close to everything I need in old age, such as medical facilities and supermarkets – but there’s still that gnawing feeling inside of me that there is nobody out there who will be by my side as I age, and hold my hand when I die.”

When asked whether she ever thought her parents were selfish to have only one child, and so late in life, dooming her to becoming their sole caregiver at a very early age and denying her the chance to marry and have children of her own to take care of her in old age, Vesta smiles.

“Of course I’ve thought about things like that, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t but I have no regrets. I never really met any man I wanted to marry. What I miss most, though, is not having a sister or brother.”

“I wouldn’t have children just to become my caregiver, and I would hate to think that my parents had me for that purpose,” explains Vesta. ”If I had a sister or a brother I wouldn’t worry about old age or dying alone, but because that wasn’t to be part of my life script then I must muddle on as best I can on my own and hope that when my time comes it is swift and painless.”

“I think everyone is wired intuitively to be afraid of death,” says Vesta, “and while advocating euthanasia may not sound very life affirming it is, in a funny ironical way, exactly that.”

“If you have the option to escape dying a long and agonizing death, all alone, without anyone caring, you’d take it wouldn’t you?”



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